This page is dedicated to my daughters,
Sonnia and Amanda, the best "little girls" a father could
have....
This is for you, Sonnia. You are the most
loving daughter that I could ever hope for, and
although we are seperated by many miles, I want you
to know that I am always thinking of you. I am very
proud of all that you are doing in, and with, your
life. You are doing something that many young people
your age never even think about these days. Keep
looking to the future, and never let that dream get
away.
I Love
You
Dad
Sonnia is currently completing her BA in Education, and
is in her senior year. Sonnia greatly enjoys the
outdoors, and her hobbies include camping, hiking,
and traveling. She also enjoys watching movies, Jimmy
Buffet, and country music. Hey, I never taught you to
like country music! Blame your mother for that! I
also know that she is very indulgent in her studies,
putting in many hours, and obtaining high
grades.... See, I'm watching you!
Amanda was recently
brought into my life by Brenda....She is a terrific
young lady, and is currently a Junior in high
school. She enjoys listening to music (loud at
times....) talking on the phone (alot), and chasing boys. She is also doing very well in school, even though she hates it.
I love you too, Amanda!
10 Simple Rules for dating my
daughters Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and
honk
you'd
better be delivering a package, because you're sure
not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in
front of
me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer
at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your
eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will
remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered
fashionable for boys of your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult,
but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to
the door with your underwear showing and your pants
ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my
daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten
your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that
in
today's
world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of
some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know
each
other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other
issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only
information I require from you is an indication of
when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this
subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular
fellow,
with many opportunities to date other girls. This is
fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until
she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will
make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway,
waiting
for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes
by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process that can take
longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead
of just standing there, why don't you do something
useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not
appropriate
for a date with my daughter:
-Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything
softer than an Ogden stool.
-Places where there are no parents, policemen, or
nuns within eyesight.
-Places where there is darkness. -Places where there
is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
-Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough
to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,
midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a
sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her
throat.
-Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to
be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear
to be a
pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted
has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am
the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I
ask you where you are going and with whom, you have
one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,
and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with
me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes
very
little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the
driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy
outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting
up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean
the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
As soon as you roll into the driveway you should exit
your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that
you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
then return to your car there is no need for you to
come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine.
Author Unknown